The story of Sir Isaac James SteinMeister.

Started by Apollo, August 29, 2011, 06:51:36 AM

Previous topic - Next topic


On this wonderous occasion of occasions; the occasion latter to that of which came before, and prior to that of which has yet to come, I bring a tale of which is to be told.

A tale of grand proportion! A tale so grand, about characters so Grande that you will stop and think, 'Oh my dear lord. Gosh diddly darn, are these characters in this story not grande?' And thou shalt anser thou self with 'Why yes my good sir, they are the grandest of characters in the grandest of story. A story so grand, presented in such a granular way.'

I give you the tale of Sir Isaac James SteinMeister.

Sir Isaac James SteinMeister was a Meister of many Steins, and well deserving of the prefix of 'Sir,' Sir. He grew up a humble boy in the small town of WinsterSinsterChesterMinsterShinsterShireEsterClireDublineSpireShire, of UgandaSclomania.

The town of WinsterSinsterChesterMinsterShinsterShireEsterClireDublineSpireShire was small, with a population of but a mere four and ninety.
That's right. Sir Isaac James SteinMeister was one of the 94 people of his small town, in which everybody knew everybody, all whom knew everybody else in which everybody took the liberty of knowing.

Isaac, or should I say James, or perhaps Isaac James.. was a hard worker, and strived day in and day out and during the long nights between days in order to please his superiors. He worked hard and then took that hard work and worked that into something useful, in which he'd later sell for monetary gain and greater status.
Over the years and hears and spelling mistakes of hard work and working hard to get the hard work done, James ( or should I say Isaac ) saved up a small fortune of nine pence and fourty seven electrum in which he used to purchase a long enough lever and a place to rest it.

Sir Isaac James SteinMeister took his long enough lever and place to rest it, along with his excess currency, and moved out of his parents house and the age of eight and two hundred twenty months. SteinMeister, or should I say, the Meister of Steins, traveled long and far, and very far over a long period of time. Finally, after decades of erossion, The Meister of IsaacSteins had arrived at his girlfriend house.

Sir Isaac Jame SteinMeister's girlfriend was truely something else. I do not mean that in a positive way by any means. She was a beast. If she were alive in modern times, she'd chase after yellow trains screaming 'TWINKY!' assuming that she were to learn what a twinky was, and assuming she could move. She weighed in at a grueling 330 mega-dodeca-hepta-terra-giga-tons, with a top speed of 18,000 miles per second, ) as she was landlocked and incapable of moving. )   

It is around this point in which we learn why Isaac bought his 'large enough lever and a place to rest it'
You see, ever since Isaac was a humble boy in the town of WinsterSinsterChesterMinsterShinsterShireEsterClireDublineSpireShire with the population of ninety and four, he dreamed of science. You could say he had a bit of a science fetish. He spent many  hours of his day when he was working hard to be hard at work studing gravity and the position of the stars, and it was his dream to change his own stars and make something of his life. After spending years saving up money, he finally was able to aquire the equipment to make it happen. This consisted of a large enough lever and a place to rest it, and a few convenient plot related items.

Sir Isaac James SteinMeister had a plan, and a plan it would be, and a plan it was already and thus would not have to be due to being in the state of already being so.
Isaac set out one fateful morning, walking at a slant to keep from being dragged in by his girlfriends gravitational pull. Isaac approached an apple tree, and with his lever and place to rest it, he heaved the apple tree out of the ground. ( killing hundreds ) the apple tree tore loose and was instantly sucked into the large woman's gravitational field. ( She was not actually his girlfriend, and only stated as such in order that he may get close to her without being consumed as an after diner snack. ) The apples flew at a breakneck speed, breaking free of the flying tree which was also flying at a break neck speed in which was break-neck-ed enough to break necks at said speed. They acquired velocity at a rate of 14 feet per second squared minus the air and gravitational resistance of the planet beneath them! 

Upon reaching their terminal velocity, Sir Isaac James SteinMeister drew his bow and explosive arrows, which he conveniently found for the sake of the plot. Isaac lifted an arrow into place. James grabbed the string with two fingers.  The Meister Of Steins drew the draw cord back, and finally, Sir SteinMeister 'Let er Fly.'
A crack of lightning flew across his vision, as well as the arrow that he just shot. The arrow, moving at a slightly more breakneck speed than the apples, pierced a flying apple, and then coincidentally, five more. There was a flash and a bang and a pop, and a beeping sound from a nearby microwave seven hundred years in the future. Fifteen minutes later, the sound wave caught up.

In a jaw busting flabber gusting gast glabbering bamboo splattering ice bladdering explosion, the apples explosionified. You see, Isaac knew that if he used a micro flux capacitor, consisting of a capacitor covered in flux, he could trigger a chain reaction in the apples core. A reaction in which all the apple's core's micro chains would break, and thus allow the contained appular energy to escape. Indeed he did know this. He also knew that the combined explosive power would be enough to hurdle the bitch.. err.. woman.. into space, and possibly create a dimensional fluxification warp through which to vent off the excess energy and keep from destroying the planet.

The explosion pushed the large woman free of the planet at a velocity that was obviously higher than the planets escape velocity, and in a run-on sentence she flew into space. Her fat rolls dragged all the nearest stairs close to her path, and as she hurdled through space, she left a cylindrical path of stares in her wake. That path of stars looks like a glowing white circle, which usually hides behind the moon. We call this the 'Sir Isaac James SteinMeister Custom Constellation'

On a side note, the dimensional fluxification warp vented all the excess energy into the same spot ten billion six hundred sixty two million four hundred forty four thousand four hundred forty six years into the future. By that time, the planet and the rest of that galaxy was infact far away. The celestial system in that place at that time was in fact 'Abell 1835 IR1916'

The entire galaxy was destroyed instantly.

That concludes one of the many adventures of Sir Isaac James SteinMeister and his band of... erm.. himself.

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put your sister and I side by side.

Heav’n hath no rage like love to hatred turn’d, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn’d.


Quote from: Windecker on August 29, 2011, 06:51:36 AMSir Isaac James SteinMeister was a Meister of many Steins


♫ flying free from the breaking tree ♪
Quote from: Windecker on August 29, 2011, 06:51:36 AM
♬ breaking free of the flying tree ♫
flying up so hiiiiigh ♩


Hey Jake, how's this:

Isaac = Jacob (biblical references)

SteinMeister = WinDecker (The Decker of many Wins)

Fat Girlfriend = Urge to just Stand There (ie internal slowdowns)

This story = your urge to go beyond that.


If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put your sister and I side by side.

Heav’n hath no rage like love to hatred turn’d, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn’d.